She had done all she knew to do. She grew up, got married, raised a family. She was hopeful things would turn out well and life would be great. She dreamed of celebrating a 50th anniversary one day; of feeling a sense of pride when her successful children reached important milestones; having a nice home and plenty of money in the bank. To her, this would mean she had done the right things in life. This was what you did anyhow, right?

Well, her marriage was anything but ideal and ends in divorce. Her children grow up and move out. She never got that dream house or financial security she dreamed of. Now, in a later season of life, she finds herself feeling as if she has nothing to offer and her chances of dreams being realized are over. She prays that things can be better but really-wouldn’t God have done something sooner in her life if He was going to do anything?

Maybe your past, a trauma or poor choices leave you thinking your dreams are just that–dreams.
• Guilt over past betrayals
• Sexual sin that leaves you cold and empty
• Past abuse overwhelming you with deep shame
• In a job or career that meets the need but leaves you empty
• Staying in a comfortable place when you knew you should leave

This is real life-things don’t always end up the way we hope they will, right? So do we just keep going forward, trying to tell ourselves we’re not being realistic? If God wanted us to have all those things from the beginning then our life wouldn’t be on the path it is. We must just need to learn to be more thankful for the blessings we DO have and stop longing for something more. End of Story.

Or is it?

I reflect back on my personal life and all the these things I said I would NEVER do—I’m doing them. The path I’m on would never have been one I would have voluntarily chosen.

Have I lost a sense of all my goals in life?
No, but many of the goals I held so dear for so long are different now. There are some that still hold true but many of the things that I kept as the prize to strive for have shifted.

For so long, I felt my story was at the end and I was just filling in the blanks. My past was over but I was still held down by the fallout or consequences.
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What if my chance has passed? Does God give me a chance and if I blow that moment, He moves to the next person?

I realize that I was fighting with what my version of my story was versus what the Father had for me. My version sounded pretty good in the beginning and life is NOT what that version started as. Was I wrong for wanting those things? For having those dreams?

No—not wrong. But wrongly focused. Dreams are great and God knows what desires we have deep in our hearts. But when our dreams are not in alignment with His perfect will for our lives, things won’t intersect.

During this season I realized something: its not the end of the story. No matter if you are at the beginning of your journey or coming up in your final season of life—the story isn’t over. God is the author of our lives and we’re here because he has a love and purpose for each of us.

Don’t let your view of what’s best for you become your goal when the Father has something MUCH better for you. Something you may never have imagined or thought was for you. We are highly valued-priceless to Him!

Father, I don’t want this to be the end of my story. I have much more to give, to share and don’t want to settle for less. Help me keep Your Will as my guiding light in this journey of life. Thank you for loving, valuing and refining me to be all I can be in You.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

I will make a man more precious than fine gold; even a man than the golden wedge of Ophir. (Isaiah 13:12)

29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.[b] 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Matthew 10:29-31)

I whined to a friend that I was so tired of always being in the midst of a battle. I was doing all I know to do in order to keep things running smoothly but I’m battle weary.

Ever feel this way?
I recognize there is a season for everything: a season to be in the middle of a battle and a season to not engage. Apparently I missed the whole lesson on ‘not engaging’. Many of us are trained to grab the reins and march forward with battle gear at the ready. We never seemed to learn that we are not called to engage in every single battle, every single time.

My friend shared a scripture she felt was for me at that moment:

 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

Strange, I didn’t recall ever reading that particular verse before. Ever have that happen to you? That you’ve surely read a verse or scripture but reading it again, it suddenly takes on new life?
I sat a little taken aback: I only need be still? The Lord will FIGHT for me? I loved this!!! I really didn’t recall reading this before but this verse was like a bright shining light. HE WILL FIGHT FOR ME. Not me. HIM!! So what do I need to do in this? BE STILL. WHAT?! But…that seems so…well, easy.

I do nothing but be still & quiet (me? Quiet?) and let HIM do the fighting.

There are definitely times when we are supposed to step back and let the battle be the Lord’s. It’s hard to not jump in and try to make things go the way we expect it should. But it’s NOT our battle in these instances. So my mind wanders with the thought that I don’t have to do anything and kick back. No action needed, right?

No so fast! We can all hear and read the words from the bible and agree with them. But then what? Do nothing? I recognize a sense of caution at this moment. The bible also warns us of hearing the word of God and not putting it in practice. If the words fall on us and we pretend to listen but then do not follow the scriptures, we are setting ourselves up for failure.

So how do we know when to act and when to step back? I wrestle with this more than I thought! Do you ever find yourself in this wrestling match?

As cliché as it sounds, it truly depends. There are seasons when the fight IS the Lord’s and He doesn’t need our input or help. We are to obediently be still and let Him do the fighting.

There are also times when we’ve prayed and discussed a situation with God and have been given true direction. However, we didn’t follow through. We may have a list of reasons why but in the end—we didn’t obey.
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Many times we’re given the direction we ask for but we ignore it. Why?
• We don’t like the end result
• It takes too long
• It’s not the way we think it should be done
• It doesn’t make logical sense (to us)
• Pride or arrogance (we hate to admit this)
• Fear

Being a follower of Christ will take us to places we may never have thought we’d travel. We may say or do things we’d never expect we would. But if we are truly following in surrender and have trust in our Heavenly Father—we know He has our back. He will not leave us.

In essence, it’s a form of freedom. Freedom to not have all the answers and know what to do in every situation. He will guide us, fight for us.

What freedom!! Thank you Father!

But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. Matthew 7:26

Each one of you has put to flight a thousand of the enemy, for the Lord your God fights for you, just as he has promised. Joshua 23:10

I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts. Psalm 119:45

I hear from others that tell of their circle of family and friends, their careers, their obligations. In quiet moments when they are revealing some of their most vulnerable thoughts-they feel lost.
Who are they?

• An employee who went the extra mile AGAIN and no one noticed. Someone else took the credit.

• A mom who is exhausted from serving her family’s needs so much that she hasn’t thought of herself as an individual for years. She is a robot who keeps the routines moving.

• A wife or husband who look like a great couple to all appearances. Oh, they absolutely love their spouse. But lately, deep down—the loneliness is a dark cloud that feels suffocating at times.

• The child who tries to get it right-chores, grades, etc but always feels they’re not quite good enough and maybe, one day, their parent or family will say they’ve had enough and leave them.

You know the needs Lord. You know the pretty faces we all paint and strap on our uniforms to do it all One More Time. One More Day. We are weary and dry. Actually starving for living water to fill those empty places that no one seems able to touch.

Then the guilt comes (we didn’t think the enemy would pass up the chance to jump on us with guilt, did we?).

We’re blessed to have a job, family, spouse, parent or child. So who are we to complain? Other people would love to have what we do—so quit feeling sorry for ourselves. Something must be wrong with us or we wouldn’t be so ungrateful. Familiar?

I think of your word Lord. The Living Water that satisfies and never leaves us thirsty for more. I’m always thirsty for more when I try to quench things on my own.

• The spouse who thinks they should leave the marriage for something more fulfilling. It must just be the spouse I have—everyone else seems so happy. Are they? Or are they also putting on a mask? Are we looking for our spouses to fill something inside that is specifically designed ONLY for you Lord? If so, they’ll never be able to fill that void. Ever. They were never supposed to.

• I keep doing what my friends want-good or bad-and I’ll finally have the circle of friends I’ve always wanted. Celebrities and famous people do this all the time: name drop. Go places just to be seen with other influential people. Tell everyone they are friends with this or that famous person. Now I’ll be justified. Now I’m considered important and people will notice me. I won’t be invisible anymore. I’ll finally be SOMEONE.

It’s so true that many days we are empty and lonely. In a room full of people, we’re crying inside. We pray for You Father to intervene and fill us up. We sometimes pray for You to send someone into our lives to fill that void: a spouse, a friend, a baby. These are real concerns and no easy cliché will make the deep void go away.

So who are we?
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Our souls are protected from the enemy. He can whisper and taunt but he cannot take us from your hand. We choose how to handle his temptations. We may feel miserable with our circumstances or if the enemy’s rants have taken hold in our minds. But we are yours. Sometimes we lose sight of this basic fact and react to our surroundings.

So we are Your children Lord and we are suffering at times. We cry out to you for relief and sometimes don’t feel it’s enough. What can we do? We know you love us but why are these situations continuing and how do we handle it?

It’s in Your word: Praise. Worship. Even in horrible circumstances, we can still find something to praise the Father.

So I encourage you—even if you are in a ‘dry’ season or a bountiful one. Praise. Even if you don’t feel like it, offer worship.

Father, I pray for your touch and guidance in all circumstances.

What am I to do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will pray with my mind also; I will sing praise with my spirit, but I will sing with my mind also. 1 Corinthians 14:15

Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name. Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God. Hebrews 13:15-16

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! (1 John 3:1)

So I’m behind in posting this week. I didn’t plan things well and scheduled car maintenance appointments right at the exact time I’ve reserved for writing. Why did I do this? Why do I seem to do things in direct OPPOSITE of my well laid plans?

Is it just me or do you find yourself doing the same at times?

It sneaks up on me usually. I’ve planned it all out, made sure I reserved time for running the errands, making the appointments, doing all the obligations for the family, getting work for the job done. Then POOF! Something unexpected happens and I’m thrown off my game plan. I’m a planner/organizer type so this type of monkey wrench being thrown at me makes me react…well…not so great. I’m finding this pattern follows me at times.

• Great plans to workout more, get up earlier—then sleep through the alarm clock.
• Promise myself to eat better and make menus, grocery lists. Then in the midst of it, find myself sneaking in a few Pringles.
• I will STOP reacting so quickly when the kids do something that makes me want to scream. Then OUCH…my anger levels are on the rise with the next snarky comment from my preteen and I feel myself going to an ugly place.

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I am proud to say I’m better than I used to be at this: I used to scream back in frustration much quicker.  Now I can count to 10 first before I let the screaming maniac peek her ugly head out. I now catch that screamer a little faster and tuck her away—and make myself breathe. Okay, not always am I successful with this—but an improvement over the past.

But I know better and make promises to myself to not be that unorganized, frustrated maniac any more.  Then it happens and I’m right back where I started. WHY oh WHY do I seem to repeat this pattern?

• I’m sure the other moms are reacting with loving words and the children obey and they hold hands skipping off into the sunset, right?
• The other wives are so supportive and encouraging that they never speak a sarcastic word to their husbands about not doing that ONE chore you’ve asked at least a thousand times. They just praise him for being who he is and let all those frustrations become a blessing somehow, right? Never a frustrated or angry thought….

Well…not me. I’m all those ugly things at times. Not pretty. Not proud. But it’s real life for me.

Is any of this familiar to you too? Ever find yourself doing what you DON’T want to do? Thinking or saying what you definitely do NOT want to? Then angry with yourself for blowing it…again?

I remind myself that we live in an ‘opposite’ world as believers. The world is many times opposite what the Father intended. Many humans are behaving in an opposite way they were intended (don’t let me get started with politics!).

We, as believers, many times react or speak in ways opposite what we should. Is every word we say honoring or Christ modeling? No way. Should it be? Of course! We are works in progress in an opposite world.
I find similar wrestling in the bible. Paul mentions this in Romans (see below). I’m so encouraged and happy to know we are all walking this journey together. We have a loving guide on this journey and we are in a continual state of learning, living and receiving grace.

Thank you for taking a moment of your walk on this journey with me. If we run into each other, would you remind me that we’re in this together and can lean on each other in this opposite world?

Thank you Father for your grace in this opposite world and for your guidance in our daily walk.  I pray we each have other believers along our path to encourage and support us.

¹⁹ When I want to do good, I don’t; and when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. 20 Now if I am doing what I don’t want to, it is plain where the trouble is: sin still has me in its evil grasp. (Romans 7:19, Living Bible)

¹¹ Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.     ( 1 Thessalonians 5:11,New International Version)

She asked God to dwell within her. She asked Jesus to be her Savior. She prayed these things and meant them in the depths of her heart. At least as deep as she knew in her 10 years of life. After the service, she was congratulated that she took this step of accepting Jesus. She also chose to be baptized to publicly declare herself a follower of Christ and be a new creation. It was a joyous day!

Years later, after another fight with her family over her life decisions and choices that were destroying her body, she wondered, “ Could those prayers from so many years ago still hold true”? She had fallen so far from where she had been that day. She now battled with drinking, drugs and using her body in ways that are never pleasing to God.

Is she still saved? Does her salvation go away? After disobeying God for so many years, surely He has had enough and she has long been kicked out of any ‘family’ lineup.

She told herself she really needed to get her life back on track, clean up her act and ask God to take her back. Let her back in the family and start all over. Would He even give her another chance?

Have you ever thought you have blown it so much that God is done with you? You’ve used up any ‘grace’ chances you had been given? You may have been saved in the past but surely God has erased that by now and you’re on your own, right? 

We are promised eternal salvation. Once saved, we are covered under the umbrella of grace. Can we backslide and still be in God’s family? Yes! We are covered under grace!

But aren’t believers supposed to be happy and peaceful? Of course—if we are living according to the will of the Father.
But since we are living out our daily walk, we struggle with choices. We can choose to be in rebellion, live in disobedience and be miserable doing so. How can a believer be this way? By not responding to the conviction of the Holy Spirit and acting contrary to what the Father has for us.

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Personally, after many years in rebellion and ignorance, I started to think there has to be a more peaceful and fulfilling way to live. FINALLY. I was starting to get it!

Yes, I still struggle like everyone else. I make poor choices and have to deal with the fall out. But I now know who I am and who has my back. I repent and restore my wayward choice. Its not too late for me or you.

If we were all kicked out of God’s family and no longer considered His children due to sin, there would be no one left in the family. This is where mercy and grace enter and flood over us.

Just like our earthly families, we are still related. We may not do what is expected, what is best for us or obey like we should, but we’re still in the family. Is it peaceful when we’re disobedient? NOPE, not at all. But, we’re still in the family.

As followers, our desire to do the Father’s will swells up within us, feels ‘right’ and leads us on the path we should follow.
Yes, we are saved. Yes, we will sin & be disobedient. The spectrum of disobedience will change throughout our lives and we pray we are less & less disobedient as we become more mature. Through the entire journey, we can rest knowing we are in His family and loved. It’d be easier to kick us out but He loves us too much to let us go. We just have to open ourselves to Him first!

We cannot ever be separated from the love of the Father. But we can choose to distance ourselves. Instead, I choose the freedom that comes from obedience!
Restore to me again the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. Psalm 51:12

I worked so hard. So many sacrifices. The endless, sleepless nights. The financial drains. All the youthful fun I bypassed to keep my head down, working so hard. I had a goal and was so determined and so focused, nothing was going to stop me. My past was filled with hardship and disappointment. I had to insulate myself the only way I knew how and working hard for this goal was my plan.

Over time, I met the goal. It took much longer that I thought but I made it. Blood, sweat and tears, I finally made it to the finish line! I was so proud but exhausted from all the years of working towards this. I thought I was home free—let the next step of the journey take place. It couldn’t be as hard as the past 7 years had been, right?

Wrong. The struggles continued. In different ways, different people, different situations. I’d like to say there was a happily ever after end to this portion of the story-but it’s not quite over yet.
I made it to the finish line and continued to work hard, struggle, sacrifice. It took over 2 decades of continual effort.
But one day, in a blink of an eye, it was over. All I worked for- ended. I struggled for several years afterwards with a sense of loss-all that work, effort, struggle- for what?! During an especially vulnerable moment, I felt a sudden response in my spirit well up.

I knew this was from the Father, it wasn’t something I could have ever imagined.
An unmistakable statement

“That was never the plan I had for you. It was your plan”.

I was devastated. All those years, all the sacrifices, working my entire life around meeting those goals. But it was absolutely, without question unmistakable:
“It was never the plan I had for you”

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Never HIS plan for me?! It was all me, all the striving was all me. No wonder it didn’t work out well, never felt right, was never ever peaceful. It made sense now. Oh, decades later but it made sense.

So you can call me unrealistic. Nuts even. But I’m hanging on.
Yes, hanging on and hoping for something new. I know I’m walking through a season of learning but I don’t like it. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’m thankful the Father is working something good in me. Something He will use. But I don’t like it now. I’m clinging to the verse that He is refining me—as gold must be put through the fire and molded, so must we. Well, I must be one messy piece of dirt that needs a ton of fire and refining.

It’s true, I am messy. Ever feel like you’re a mess?
I know in the end I’ll be so thankful that this process happened. It’s while I’m sitting in the furnace that stinks. Oh, I’m sure it’ll all be great one day. But today—well, it doesn’t FEEL so great.
I’m hanging on however. Not letting go. I’ll be that stubborn piece of Velcro that doesn’t peel away. Where would I go anyhow? I know it’d be somewhere I’d regret so I refuse to go down that path.

No, I’m hanging on. Some people tell me I should do more things to get actions moving in the direction I want it to go. That I should work situations around to benefit my ultimate goal. I could that do—I’ve done it before. Manipulated things to work out. So what’s the problem? If I get moving and start pushing this, pulling that, influencing this person, guilting that person then I could get situations moving much quicker.

Hard as it is, I’m trying to NOT do those things and just hang on. Let the Father work things out as He sees fit and not as I want. Been there, done that and it wasn’t pretty. I do NOT want to work it out in MY way again. Keep my feet planted in Your ways Father.
(For you, God, tested us; you refined us like silver. Psalm 66:10)

Let’s mix it up. Do something new today.

I look forward to a new work. Spring is finally here. New life is springing up everywhere-finally. The grey & brown branches and plants are finally looking alive again with the green leaves and new buds flourishing. It always brings those feelings of a new start, freshness, a renewal.

So let’s do it—renew something, begin something new or take something in a direction its not been before.

Of course, You Lord are doing this constantly. I’m the one who feels like the grey twig…there and existing but not doing anything fresh, new or earthshattering.

So, what is a new beginning to look like? What are your plans with me in this moment? I most likely won’t get an audible response but do sense a tiny bud of rebirth.

I’m ready for something AWESOME and mind blowing. Rock my world Lord with something wonderful and new and precious! A blessing in every way!

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.( Isaiah 43:19)
For I will pour water on the thirsty land,
and streams on the dry ground;
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4 They will spring up like grass in a meadow,
like poplar trees by flowing streams. (Isiah 44:3)

• Yes, I am still doing the daily grind.
• Yes, I still have the same obligations and responsibilities (and usually a few new ones)

But I’m going to go forward with a new perspective. A new work, a new vision: no more of the dried up wasteland of my heart. A fresh breeze is blowing through the air: new hope.

 The circumstances of life haven’t changed, I don’t have a super fat bank account, a new vacation home in the tropics or perfect family members (Does that EVEN exist? Nope) but I’m praying for a fresh new outlook.

Instead of just survival and trudging through another day, I’m praying for a radical unexpected blessing to rock my world! We usually think of something like winning some crazy contest or being swept away to a tropical paradise retreat (don’t get me wrong, that sounds wonderful!).
But I’ll leave the details up to God…and pray for a ridiculous & joy filled experience. Something unexpected and a deep satisfaction only the Father can provide.

Won’t you join me?

I never used to pray for these type of experiences. I thought I was supposed to be quiet and appreciate whatever scrap was thrown to me. And I DO appreciate whatever is provided to me-I’ve been without and I’ve been in abundance so my gratefulness is ever present.

But I’ve learned that I unknowingly put God’s supernatural existence in a box. I didn’t want to pray for much so I wouldn’t be disappointed or be greedy. But I now see how, as my Father, He enjoys delighting me. Oh, it may not be that tropical paradise retreat I want so much (did I already mention how I’m so ready for a beach getaway?) but I know He gives me so much.

So I pray Father “Let’s Do This”. I will be hopeful and expectantly open to whatever creative viewpoint You provide. If it’s from You, it will be good.
It may be something small, but we all know small things sometimes rock our worlds in the biggest ways.
I’m so excited to see what You’ll do Lord. Wash over me with a new work.
Let’s Do This!

Lord, I KNOW you are with me and never leave me. It just doesn’t FEEL like it sometimes. These moments when I’m at the end of myself…and sometimes don’t even know why. Or at times I have full knowledge of why and the circumstances that have brought me to my knees….again.

I cry out for You. I cry out in general. Do you see me? I don’t feel you nearby.
(You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. Psalm 139:1)

I know you are there since you promise you’ll never leave me. But I want something physical—in my face at this moment—as tangible proof you are here.

I’m hurting. I’m lost. I’m hanging on by a thread and need some major relief. Relief that doesn’t come from others since they can’t reach the inner depths of my being. But you can. You already have it covered but I can’t see You moving so I don’t think you’re here.
Do you notice me? Don’t I matter enough that you will respond?
(Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:7)

Before I know it, I’ve worked myself into a cycle of thoughts that are opposite your word. You promise to be with me always.

I scream out ‘WHERE ARE YOU?!’
(I call to you, LORD, come quickly to me; hear me when I call to you. Psalm 141:1)

I cry “don’t you even see me? Are you paying attention”
(God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1)
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Aren’t I doing my part by having faith so ‘Where are you God? I don’t SEE or FEEL you working in this situation!’
(Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding Proverbs 3:5)

I realize there are many times I won’t understand or see how things have come together until the situation is a memory. Or it could be even later– I won’t understand some events until I’m in my eternal home.
Then, when I feel I’m coming undone (is that even a word?) and despite my knowledge of You, my feelings of loneliness have taken over, something happens.
Something others wouldn’t notice or understand.

But I get it. I see something, many times it’s so small, but it strikes my heart like an explosion—this IS you.
You getting my attention that no, you never left.
Yes, you have me in your hands.
Yes, you are paying attention.
And REST…this is my job. Rest in your promises and Rest in the trust that You are who you say you are and you’ll keep your promises. Rest and let you reassure, many times in the most quiet and simple ways, that it is working out for good in the end. Even if I can’t see the end.

So, I still can’t see the end. It’s about me resting & trusting. No, this is NOT the way I would have handled the situation-but its not up to me to handle it. No, I do NOT feel like resting and waiting. Yes, I’m exhausted but to do NOTHING and just trust & rest in Him?

Yes. Exactly.
Thank you Father for your unending devotion to me..yes, even me!

This is no big deal. I can handle anything. I’m strong enough to deal with this issue. I just need to make a plan and move forward. Other people will let me down so I need to take care of this on my own. I’m an adult so I need to act like one. No hesitation. Now, I must determine what needs to be done to fix this situation. There are a few things or people I need to do certain things- so I must make them do what I want. When I want it. I just need a plan and move forward to get everything to work like I want it to. No room for failure. God helps those who help themselves, right?

I cannot count the times I ran through this type of thought process to get something done—have you done something similar?

A situation came up and I worked through how to mobilize and move forward—how to conquer this issue! One big thing was missing of course—I didn’t consult the Father for help or guidance or anything. Well, that’s not true. Usually after the situation had become worse then I would cry out in my despair for Him to fix the mess (again).

It didn’t occur to me to go to Him first. I mean, how weak and pathetic was I anyhow? What about “God helps those who help themselves”?
That saying is a direct lie that I let guide my thoughts way too many times! I used to think it was actually biblical (it’s not—don’t fall for it like I did!).

I’ve heard recurring comments during my life that I can now identify as destroying and untrue (but sometimes still hear it trying to grab my attention):
♦I’m too loud & too tall
♦God wouldn’t want me to be like I am—what a disappointment
♦Maybe one day I’ll be good enough
♦God loves me if I change

I took these comments to heart and usually exhausted myself trying to change and fit into what I thought everyone wanted (including God). I tried to be ‘good’, do better, work harder, say the right things in the right way (flat & fake usually), be more bold, be less bold, etc.

Once I have changed myself and those around me to fit into the mold I envisioned THEN I would be okay. Accepted. Approved of by everyone. Finally fitting in…
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Never happened as you can guess.

The lies we let ourselves believe are life destroying. They seem innocent at the time…it’s just a thought anyhow so how could it be so damaging?

These lies are destroying and slowly we start to believe them. Someone recounted to me how God made us AND our voices. He loves to hear our voice raised to Him, coming to Him, looking to Him for all guidance. He loves it! He doesn’t say we’re too whiny, annoying or someone He just tolerates. He loves to have us lean on Him. WOW…I sure can let the lies pull me so far from truth sometimes.

I believed the lies so many times I couldn’t find my way out of the maze. I usually had a path of wreckage behind me so long it was overwhelming. Being stubborn and not wanting to ask for help, it took me longer than some to learn to give it up.

The Father didn’t give up pursuing me, taking me to places that were so messy & uncomfortable that I had nowhere to turn but to Him. These lies I’ve believed for so long still linger and whisper, especially in my weaker moments.

But now I know where to go-I line up the thoughts with truth from the Word. This is the measuring device and is able to point me in the right direction. Not to lies that destroy and breed self-doubt but to truth that delivers. Delivers me to a place of pure acceptance.

Thank you Father for not leaving me where I was but loving me enough to bring me closer to You!
Please help me to discern and silence the liar!

I hold my breath, say a silent prayer and step forward. It feels like a dark abyss and I can’t see anything.

-Where will this lead?
-Where am I supposed to be going?
-What if this doesn’t work? I fail—and miserably?
-What if I do it all wrong?
-What if everyone ignores me or laughs at me?
I could be making a huge mistake that will end up in humiliation. Oh, if I could just know where, how and when- then I could feel better about taking this step.

The darkness around me feels like it could suffocate. I say more prayer but its not silent anymore. I realize I’m talking-no crying- to the Father out loud. Why? When? HOW? This doesn’t feel good?! HELP!

A beam of light slowly creeps into my surroundings. I rush towards it. I rush to see if its something familiar. I’m in unchartered territory—at least new territory for me. I don’t like the feeling of being completely out of control but that is exactly what I am. What we all are when we get real and truly think about it.

We are out of control of most things but our culture tells us we are the master of everything we touch. We’re told we can control the outcome if we plan things out correctly.

But how many times have we worked hard for that promotion, earned that degree, trained for that athletic event, did everything we are ‘supposed’ to do and it didn’t turn out as we expected?
-That spouse that promised to love and cherish us then betrays us.
-That college degree that was to ensure our rise in the corporate world didn’t prep us for being laid off, fired or miserable in our pursuits.
-That child we poured so much love and training into follows a destructive path in life that is opposite everything we taught.
-The bank account we worked so hard to provide for our family then to have it bankrupted.

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I’m not alone. He has a plan for me which is to NOT harm me (he didn’t say it would be easy).
I am His child. He loves me-I am the daughter of a King…ME?!

I am not called to be ineffective and predictable. I am called to be follower of Christ and to put my faith in God. He is in control, not me. But it can’t be that basic…I have to do SOMETHING, right?

He says to give my burdens to Him and let Him work it out. But what if He’s not fast enough, doesn’t do what I want, when I want it? Maybe I should help things out….

Funny how the hardest thing is to do NOTHING when everything in us screams ‘do SOMETHING’!

I realize the darkness is starting to fade (if I let it). Is that a feeling a warmth reassurance replacing the cold unknown?

Stepping out of my comfort zone is at times horrifying. NOT fun. Sometimes we have to go through it to get to the other side-the walk of trust. We wander in the dark and sometimes turn back. Then we find ourselves in the same place again until we walk through it. It’s not until we give it up & over to the Father to handle that the dark isn’t so terrifying. True, this path may not turn out like we expect or hope. But it could turn out BETTER than you ever hoped! I’m so glad He promises that His plan is for good and not harm!

Oh, I still don’t know the outcome or the final plan but I’m not supposed to. I don’t like not knowing but I’m supposed to trust that the Father has my back and He has a plan. A perfect plan. It really is all about faith and trust—and realizing I’m not in control.

I never was in control-it was an illusion I let myself believe.

I am so thankful it’s not all up to me-or you. We must stay strong and firmly planted in the Father’s promises.
Thank you Lord for being faithful!