I stood stunned, shocked and more than a little angry. I asked a coworker to step into a private office to ask about some of the recent biting comments and obvious attacks she had made. She looked me straight in the eyes and very confidently exclaimed ‘I won’t let someone like you get in my way’.
Apparently her personal agenda was to make herself look good by sabotaging others around her. I was the first person to question her and she did not like it one little bit. But here we were-I was trying to control myself with this trash talker.
I asked ‘someone like me? What is that supposed to mean?’ Someone like me—she went on with hostile descriptions of how no one, especially someone who was younger & more educated than her- would ever advance beyond her. No one else had done so and she wasn’t about to let me. This was news since I wasn’t planning for advancement in that particular job—I was just trying to get through each day.
That scenario happened several years ago but that bitter coworker’s words had stuck with me. “Someone like me” and it sure wasn’t meant as a compliment—quite the opposite. Her intent of the words stuck with me for years–I was someone equivalent to scum stuck to the bottom of her shoe. Over the years, I have berated myself for letting that person’s harsh words hang on me-even feel like my total identity.
I told myself I had let it go and left her in my past and was over the sting of rejection.
Nope, not even close. I hate to admit it but those words continued to plague me for years. OH, I do not dwell on that particular woman but the words do sometimes slither their way back into my thoughts.
Someone like me-unworthy, unimportant, disposable.
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Then present day thoughts invade: Why didn’t those people include me in their invitation? Why didn’t my friend ask me to go with her to an event? Why did all those people from school ignore me at the last gathering? Is it someone like me is so revolting?
I try to pull myself together and am thankful for the reassuring words that I am wonderfully made by the Father. He doesn’t make trash—and He made me so I’m NOT trash! Therefore I AM worthy of love and acceptance even if other’s words and actions don’t make me feel that way.
I believe its normal for us to want acceptance from the people we’re walking through this life with. However, I must realize that I cannot, WILL NOT allow myself to get my self-worth & acceptance from others.
I need only focus on the Father and His acceptance. As amazing as it seems, He loves me despite the crazy and silly things I think, say and do. Oh, not that what I do is necessarily pleasing to Him at all times—but He isn’t withholding His love. It’s because of His love that He continues to hold me and walk with me through each of these situations. It’s training, molding and refining my understanding and thoughts—and I’m more thankful than words can express.
I don’t always like or enjoy the process but I’m reassured that someone like me, (yes- even ME) is worth His attention. Thank you Father!
And so we should not be like cringing, fearful slaves, but we should behave like God’s very own children, adopted into the bosom of his family, and calling to him, “Father, Father.” Romans 8:14-16
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